The Valiant One
by teawithremus
Summary: War takes a toll on Remus, but not as much as memory.


Prompt: for 10quotes at livejournal (#3 Casablanca) "Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for." - "You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die." - "Well, what of it? It'll be out of its misery."

"_Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to_." - Oscar Wilde

The bed was narrow, but the distance between them felt as wide as the open ocean. Quietly, Remus Lupin turned and risked a glance at the woman who was to become his wife. Nymphadora Tonks was still deeply asleep, her hair a pale hue of blue and her expression tranquil. Somehow, Remus found the strength within him to smile at the vision of Tonks at rest. Awake, she exuded an electric energy that left him emotionally raw and exhausted, but lost to dreams she was peaceful, slumbering in atypical silence. Underneath the sheets, he could feel the subtle press of her hip, the warmth of her sleeping body, but the thought brought him no joy and the smile faded as he drew back, returning to the edge of the mattress, a territory he had claimed for himself alone. He closed his eyes and inevitably, his thoughts spun backwards, seeking memory.

_"I'm heading out to Kiev later today," Sirius said, his eyes sparkling with dark exuberance. "The assignment came from Dumbledore himself. Apparently, the Order is losing support in the area, not to mention the rest of the country is a hotbed of Voldemort supporters."_

_Remus' tone was grave, and he furrowed his brow as he looked hopelessly at his friend. "That's where the Calloway's were stationed -- no one's heard from them in months."_

_Sirius shrugged, dismissive. "I know what you're thinking, but you've got to relax, Moony. It's entirely possible that they just cut and run. Maybe they feared retaliation and went into hiding, or just decided to get out while the getting's good."_

_Narrowing his eyes, Remus sighed. "Sure, and maybe Gideon and Fabian just waltzed out of their posts last week. They were the fiercest fighters we had, Padfoot, not to mention the most loyal Order members you could hope for. You can't seriously believe they just walked off the job." He shook his head, feeling in his bones that it was a mistake. He had looked up to the Prewett brothers, and Sirius had practically idolised them; they had been singularly devoted to the cause. "The Death Eaters aren't playing around. It's dangerous work, Sirius, more dangerous than I ever dreamed when we were back in school."_

_"Well, we're not in school now," exclaimed Sirius, undeterred. He shook his head, attempting a fragile smile. "This is big, Moony. I won't deny that. I didn't have a clue what we were getting into either, but now that we're here..." He broke off, glancing down at the floor so he would not have to see the desperation radiating in Remus' eyes. "It's up to us now. You, me, James, Peter -- we're part of this."_

_"Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for," Remus ventured. He frowned, thinking of Dumbledore's staunch refusal to assign him to any dangerous missions. The man had excused his actions, citing Remus' intelligence and claiming he was needed at headquarters, to aid in planning and research, but Remus thought he knew the reason: Dumbledore did not trust him. The wolf within had thwarted his usefulness in yet another arena, while Sirius and the others soldiered bravely on._

_Sirius uttered a low laugh in his throat. "You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die."_

_Glumly, Remus thought of the long nights he had endured without rest, too keyed up with fear for the lives of his friends to sleep. The life he had eagerly anticipated as a schoolboy was slipping away, his dreams and plans obscured and destroyed by the war. Fighting had eclipsed all else, and there was resentment mixed with the heavy sarcasm in his voice when he spoke again. "Well, what of it? It'll be out of its misery."_

_Grinning, Sirius clapped Remus on the back. "And we mustn't allow that. The suffering must continue," he joked. "Ah, Moony, don't be so sad. I'll make it back, just give me a few weeks. We'll survive, and better, we'll win."_

Nymphadora stirred, summoning Remus back to the present. He sighed, thinking of how victorious Sirius had returned from that particular mission and a hundred more, escaping the clutches of Voldemort and his Death Eaters time and again, until at last his luck had run out in the Department of Mysteries. Administering a stern mental shake to himself, Remus struggled to clear his thoughts as he shook his fiancé gently awake.

"Kingsley sent word that Voldemort is recruiting wizards out of Moscow, and the Order needs someone to monitor the situation." The curve of his lips was a pale imitation of a smile, but he did not falter from lack of courage. He had lost everything that had ever mattered already, and his life had ventured far from dreams; questions of survival no longer kept him up nights. "I'm leaving in an hour."


End file.
